"STUDIES IN THE PROVERBS"
Wisdom In Family Matters
INTRODUCTION
1. As we continue our study of the Proverbs, we should keep in mind two
things:
a. Life is short
b. Our eternal existence is greatly influenced by how we live during
this short life
2. It is imperative, then, that we not waste our time through rash and
foolish decisions...
a. Which not only jeopardize our eternal destiny...
b. ...but can also make this life miserable
3. The value of wisdom is especially seen in family relationships
a. "He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind..." - Pr 11:
29
b. Life is too short and families grow too fast for us to raise a
family through "trial and error"
4. We must seek advice in this all-important task...
a. But where shall we go?
b. To so-called "experts" who authoritatively give advice, but then
all too often change their views later on after the damage has
been done? (e.g., Dr. Spock and his earlier views on child-
raising)
5. Fortunately, in His grace God has preserved in His all-sufficient
book the wisdom needed to provide for and raise a family. Much of
this wisdom in found in "The Book Of Proverbs"!
[To illustrate, let's first consider some...]
I. WISDOM IN PROVIDING FOR A FAMILY
A. CONSIDER WHAT MANY PEOPLE THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT IN PROVIDING
FOR A FAMILY...
1. Many would say it is the "necessities" of life
a. Such as food and clothing
b. And a place of shelter
2. Most would feel that other things are also necessary...
a. Such as the "finer things" (luxuries) for the children,
which parents never had as children
b. A good "education" for the children, so they too can be
affluent
[While there is some merit in these things, inspired wisdom from "The
Book Of Proverbs" teaches us not to place emphasis upon such material
things...]
B. WHERE THE EMPHASIS SHOULD BE IN PROVIDING FOR A FAMILY...
1. Instilling a FEAR OF THE LORD - Pr 15:16
a. More important than riches is providing for your family
through your own example a deep and abiding respect for the
Lord
b. For the fear of the Lord provides:
a. The beginning of knowledge - Pr 1:7
b. A means to prolong life - Pr 10:27
c. The key to avoiding sin - Pr 16:6
d. The key to true wealth - Pr 22:4
c. The "fear of the Lord", then, is perhaps the most important
"provision" that one can give to his or her family
2. Giving them LOVE - Pr 15:17
a. Providing an environment where love reigns is more important
than providing material abundance
b. Troubled children come from homes where "love" is lacking,
not money!
3. Providing a PEACEFUL family life - Pr 17:1
a. Where there is peace and tranquillity in a family, material
affluence matters little
b. But what value is there in wealth, if we are always fighting
over the things it provides?
4. A wise father (or mother) realizes that SPIRITUAL provisions
are more important than MATERIAL ones
a. They will see that the family receives what is truly
important
b. Even it means cutting back on less important things
[But when God's wisdom is truly followed, it won't be necessary to
go without material "necessities"! To see why, consider...]
C. WHAT CAN BE DONE TO ENSURE ADEQUATE MATERIAL PROVISIONS FOR THE
FAMILY...
1. Be RIGHTEOUS - Pr 20:7
a. Today that means putting the kingdom of God first in your
life - Mt 6:33
b. Then God will watch out for you and providentially see that
your needs are adequately met!
c. Children of righteous parents are truly blessed!
d. But parents who fail to put God first go through life
without God's providential help, and their children may
suffer as a result!
2. Concentrate on acquiring WISDOM and KNOWLEDGE, not wealth - Pr 24:3-4
a. This would involve a careful study and application of God's
Word, especially a book like Proverbs
b. But it also involves living a dedicated life as a disciple
(learner) of Jesus Christ, in whom are hidden the treasures
of wisdom and knowledge - cf. Co 2:2-3
[From the Proverbs, then, we learn that the best and wisest thing
parents can do for their family is to provide themselves as obedient
servants of God, and to instill such faith in their children. If this
is done, God will see that their material needs are met!
But what about the matter of raising children, in particular the
question of discipline?]
II. WISDOM IN RAISING CHILDREN
A. INSPIRED WISDOM IS EXPLICIT IN THE PROPER USE OF "CORPOREAL
PUNISHMENT"...
1. Used properly, it is a demonstration of true love - Pr 13:24
2. Proper discipline has proper objectives...
a. To remove foolishness from the child - Pr 22:15
b. To save the soul of the child - Pr 23:13-14
c. To impart wisdom and to avoid shame - Pr 29:15
3. Proper discipline has its rewards - Pr 29:17
a. Such as "rest" and "delight"
b. A child who will love you and live in such a way as to bring
you delight
4. Of course, there must be the proper application of corporeal
punishment - Pr 19:18
a. To be applied before the situation gets of out hand ("while
there is hope")
b. To be applied under controlled circumstances ("do not set
your heart on his destruction")
1) I.e., do not put it off until you strike in anger
2) There IS a difference between proper "spanking" and
"child abuse"!
c. Corporeal punishment should never be a vent for letting off
steam...
1) Rather, a controlled use of one method to discourage bad
behavior
2) To be accompanied with love! - cf. Ep 6:4 (as implied
by the word "nurture")
B. MORE WISDOM FROM A FAMILIAR VERSE - Pr 22:6
1. As commonly translated: "train up a child in the way he
should go"
a. This allows for the common interpretation in which a child's
outcome is virtually dependent upon his training, especially
in spiritual matters
1) I.e., if the child is brought up right by godly parents,
the child "must" turn out all right
2) So if a child is not a faithful Christian, it must always
be a failing of the parents
b. But this view suggests "environmental predestination", or
"behavioral determinism" (shades of B. F. Skinner, cf. his
book "Walden II")
2. Literally, the verse can be translated: "train up a child
according to HIS way"
a. That is, train up a child according to his or her
inclinations
b. For example, don't try to force a child who is mechanically
inclined to be a doctor or a lawyer
c. Rather, bring up a child according to his or her aptitude,
and they will likely continue what they start out in life
doing (i.e., no "mid-life" crisis or career changes)
d. Therefore, this verse, like so many in Proverbs, is simply
giving us practical advice in raising our children (without
necessarily any spiritual implications)
3. However, I might add that trying to force a child to go against
their "aptitude" may encourage a child to rebel in ALL areas of
parental influence (including spiritual)
CONCLUSION
1. Again, my purpose in these lessons is not to provide an exhaustive
treatment of each of these subjects as covered in "The Book Of
Proverbs"
2. Rather, to illustrate its value to Christians in all areas of our
lives, so that we will study it more often
3. Since so much of our happiness or lack of it is affected by our
family life, we should want to take advantage of the wisdom offered
in this area by "The Book Of Proverbs"
4. In the next study, we shall endeavor to glean wisdom from the
Proverbs in the matter of having and maintaining good friendships
Speaking of friendships, let me remind you of the basis of our
friendship with the Lord Jesus Christ, who said...
"If ye love me, keep my commandments."
- Jn 14:15
"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."
- Jn 15:14
Have you obeyed the commandments of our Lord? - cf. Mk 16:15-16
